The DUDE Tournament - Champion

As the true NCAA tournament comes to a close in the other room (I refuse to watch any more Ohio State games, in any sport. Except perhaps bowling), so concludes the DUDE tournament in thissa here room, where we have thai sticks instead of bad calls, and Bob playing instead of 8(teen) year olds.

FINAL FOUR

1. Walter vs. 2. Brandt
No coincidence that today is the Jewish holiday of Passover: Three thousand years of beautiful basketball, from Moses (Malone) to Red Auerbach, you're goddamn right we're living in the fucking past. And in the lane.

12. The Urn vs. 4. Bunny
Where was she, when she didn't even kidnap herself? Winning, that's where. On the court, winning.

DUDE CHAMPIONSHIP

1. Walter vs. 4. Bunny
Bunny was a good player, and a good lay. She was...she was a nymphomaniac. She was a woman who loved cable, and Vegas, and as a sex fiend she explored the beaches of southern California, from La Jolla to the sandy back of a Volkswagon. She lost, like so many second-rate porn stars of her generation, in hi-definition. In your wisdom, Walter, you took her (to the hoop), just like you took so many others in this DUDE tournament to the hoop, including Woo, Liam, and 'Nam. These young players gave their wins. And so did Bunny. Bunny who loved Nihilists. And so, Bunny Lebowski nee Fawn Knutsen, in accordance with what we think your losing wishes might well have been, we remit your final, mortal, voluptuous remains to the bosom of Sheri in Logjammin, who you loved so well.

Good night sweet princess.